Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
