At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
