Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
