He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
