Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
