It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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