He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
