Small penises have feelings too.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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