Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
