filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
