shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
