Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
you're hired as official boob wrangler
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
