Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Randomize
