I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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