Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
