We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
