dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Let's paint friendship bongs
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
