I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
