with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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