The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
