I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
