Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Randomize
