I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
