Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
