She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
