So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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