areolas are like halos for boobs.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
