i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
