the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
