why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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