This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Randomize
