Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You pole danced in your parka.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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