from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
So squirting runs in the family.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
