shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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