I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
