I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Randomize
