my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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