NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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