They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
