So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize