2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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