...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
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