Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
