I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
