Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
