The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
We left the knife in your bed.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
