The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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