Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Randomize
