We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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