The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
