Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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