If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
