dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
