The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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