haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Is her dick bigger than yours?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
