im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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