I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
