she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
they need to just BURY HIM!
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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