Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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