the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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