You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
