Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
