If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
The best revenge is premature balding
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
