Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Dignity is for republicans.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
