i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
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