shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
