I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
ok first of all what the fuck
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
