no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
