why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
