Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
