I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Randomize
