If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
