hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
