I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
