she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
