I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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