Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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