I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
