So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
