They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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